Taking the Bully by the Horns

If you follow the news, you’ve likely heard the tragic story of Mitchell Wilson – an 11-year-old Pickering boy who, spurred by bullying, recently took his own life. And what a challenging life it was: cancer robbed him of his mother just three years before, and muscular dystrophy sapped him of his physical strength a year after.

This heart-wrenching tragedy has fuelled public disgust and flooded headlines with news outlining Canada’s poor bullying standing – a recent survey by the Ontario Student Trustees’ Association, for example, found that 46 per cent of teens report being bullied – and a plead to put an end to the malicious act. A recent episode of CBC Radio’s The Current even entertained the notion of deeming bullying a hate crime: A shocking proposition when considering Wilson’s alleged attacker was only 12. But is making bullying a legal issue the correct counter?

“I feel like it’s very problematic to make it into a legal issue,” says Faye Mishna, dean and professor at the Factor Inwentash Faculty of Social Work at the University of Toronto. “What’s needed is to be proactive before the bullying starts, to really focus on helping kids develop healthy relationships, having empathy, how to have tolerance to indifference without having to bully.

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“It also means as adults we have to be better at it,” she adds.

Interesting, because after a quick perusal in comment sections of major news websites, you’ll find plenty screaming for blood, suggesting that the “punk”, “thug” and “sociopath” that bullied Mitchell deserves the most severe punishment.

For Mishna, however, this is only a band-aid solution that doesn’t deal with the core of the problem. Bullying is about a “power differential” and we should show bullies how to use that power in a positive way instead of excluding them. Punishments should be “an actual consequence that helps them learn as opposed to just punitive,” she says. Consequences like community service, for example.

To help victims deal with bullying, Mishna feels there is no definitive answer, but there are many tools children have at their disposal. Communication is key. Talk to your kids, find out what’s troubling them, and let them know you’re there to listen and help. Finding activities they enjoy will also build a sense of confidence. This doesn’t have to be team sports or martial arts, either. It’s anything that creates a feeling that they can do something while building problem-solving skills. “It’s often not one answer. We want them to feel good about themselves and to feel that sense of mastery and sense of agency so that if something does happen, they can either figure it out themselves or they can go to somebody,” explains Mishna.

We should also remember bullying isn’t just an issue limited to youth. Bullies are everywhere, amongst every age and all social brackets. There are plenty who have felt the crippling scorn of a rampaging boss, shied away from that boisterous gorilla controlling the room at some nightclub, or been flipped off by that jerk in the Mercedes who actually cut you off. Even some Ontario politicians have demonstrated a bully demeanour, and look where it got them.

We even celebrate bullying through entertainment. How about the racist and sexist commentary by Glee’s Sue Sylvestor, the malicious tongue-lashings by Hell’s Kitchen’s Gordon Ramsay, practically the entire cast of Jersey Shore, or the belittling slander of former American Idol judge and current X-Factor judge Simon Cowell? Are we going to throw Cowell behind bars because he cuts a performer to pieces with a nasty
verbal broadsword?

To actually think we will magically rid the world of bullies is simply unrealistic. Bullying is terrible, but it’s a national issue that exists on every level: at school, work, in social situations and in families. Children emulate adults and as long as we perpetuate this behaviour, so will they (honestly, where do you think they get it from?). But that doesn’t mean it can’t be dealt with better. The court date for the late Mitchell’s alleged attacker has been adjourned until November 21; if found guilty, then why not make him an example?

Community service wouldn’t hurt. How about some words with his family? Maybe sit him down with a counsellor? This boy, after all, is a child, and we shouldn’t abandon him because of this tragic event. Even the Wilson family have told media they don’t want to act like a ‘lynch squad’. And look in the mirror: many of us probably weren’t always the nicest in our youth; maybe we did things we now regret.

For more stats, advice and resources on bullying, visit the Promoting Relationships and Eliminating Violence Network at www.prevnet.ca