8 Mistakes to Avoid while Surviving these Turbulent Times

Even with a dossier of connection and privilege, you may feel economically marginalized at the moment. But that’s no reason to make desperately bad, frenzied choices.

1. Do not fire your personal assistant to save on bucks – you know you have no idea how to work that profoundly intricate office espresso maker.  You’ll save on one less pay cheque, but make up for it in daily trips to you-know-where to pick up a Grande Caramel Macchiato.

2. Pyramid scams: Icky, lonely, sad and weird, these dicey, shady schemes and scams never work out. Please just don’t do it – nothing good has ever come from it.

3. Refrain from a dine-and-dash at a local eatery during a temporary lapse of judgement, which may come on from the light-headed feeling you get from starvation. When things resume and you become liquid again, you’ll have to don the peculiar fake moustache, mammoth sombrero or equally absurd get-up each time you walk by.

4. Don’t pawn your couture to pay your bills. Second-hand stores never give you even half of
what you think those threads are worth. You’ll end up wearing Walmart knock-offs, an ultimate fashion fiasco and definitely not a self-esteem booster.

5. Borrowing on credit. The Play Now/Pay Later kind of immediate gratification thing was invented by, you guessed it, the Devil; an elaborately unrewarding Faustian deal. Remember that you’re going to need that soul when the bank manager calls.

6. Renting out the basement of your home as a late-night gambling establishment just smacks of desperation. Cops will definitely be called in as a merry crew of sweaty alcoholics shuffle from your subterranean dwelling at six in the morning, which is sure to be noticed by nosy neighbours and will for sure land you in the clinker. Most of us look drab in stripes and bruises, anyway.

7. Don’t sell your stocks! Pork bellies will bounce back, not literally, of course; they’re feeding those swines chemically engineered slop as we speak, and once this dreadful, awful money mess turns around they’ll be as huge as Volkswagens and then you can cash in. So, be patient.

8. Don’t give in to the unnerving Cheap Cut – you’ll want to run far away due to the atrocious embarrassment of a completely and clearly offensive, frightening hairstyle supplied by the local haircut joint for guys and gals. Don’t be lured in by the “fresh shampoo” sign. This is where all our troubles began.